Gibbons

Oh Man! It’s been awhile but I’m back in action. I took a few days off from writing these entries because I felt like I was giving the same old speech everytime. But now I have some new information to share.

These past couple days have by far been the worst of the 2 ½ weeks after surgery. I said this in an earlier entry; the sharp pains I was getting that would shoot through my arm have gotten worse. Much worse! It’s to the point now that whenever I move my arm I feel like I get this strong electrical current shoot up to my elbow. I have no clue what this is, but Estaban suggested that we took a couple days off to just stretch.  Now, after reading my rehab protocol I’m not supposed to be doing anything but stretching until a month after. From my comfort and my trainer’s discretion we decided to start some light tubing and wrist exercises with a small weight, 1 lb to be exact. Not a good idea. About 3 days later, this shooting pain got so bad I had to hold my arm as if it were in a sling. If I were to lower my arm to extend the pain would shoot through my arm, and through my reaction I would just pull my arm back up. This pain is unbearable, and although Estaban tells me to make sure that I keep it stretched, because of the pain, I fail to follow his instructions. Not because I don’t trust him but because the pain is that bad.

Because the pain is that bad, I tend to use only my left hand just as I did after surgery;  brushing my teeth with my left, washing up with my left, putting clothes on with my left. It gets pretty tough trying to keep the pain out of my arm, but hopefully this pain shy’s away in the next few days. I see Dr. Morgan this coming Thursday,  and I’ll be sure to ask him about the things I am experiencing.

On another note, I was told today that I will not be able to travel with the team to away games. Sucks! But you know what; when life throws you lemons, make lemonade. I’m going to try to take this extra time and get my schooling straight and focus more on my rehab. I’ve done mediocre the past couple years, but not very impressive. Hopefully with this new free time I will be able to turn some things around to help my transcript along with the teams GPA. I am not off the team, but because I will end up redshirting I cannot attend away games with the squad. I can be with the team at home games and that cheers me up knowing that at least I can support my team some of the time.

Because the surgery is not a promise, at the start of next week, or whenever my arm is through with the sharp pains, I am going to start throwing with my left hand. Every knowledgeable baseball player will tell you that a Left handed hard throwing pitcher is more effective than a hard throwing right hander. Just the simple fact that left-handers are rare, and left-handed pitchers are rarer, could boost my stock. I always tell myself that when I have my son I am going to tie his arm around his back and make him use his left hand. ; Their just so much more important to the game because there aren’t many. I have heard numerous other players support me in this also. Billy Wagner did it and look at him, plus there is no harm in trying. I may look like a little girl when starting with my left, but they say you look like a little girl when starting your throwing program after surgery, so what’s the difference? If I can use my left effectively, and my right arm gets back to where it was Ill be twice as good.

On a final note, for everyone going through this just keep on pushing. The physical pain is the easy part; it’s the mental pain that will hurt you. People commit suicide, become lazy, lose focus, drop dreams, and settle for mediocrity because they lose mental focus. This may occur because of physical problems such as inability, but as far as achieving what you want, it comes down to your mentality on life. You have to stay strong, and from the words of my Father, “Jump the Hurdles and continue the race. You don’t lose until you stop, and you can’t stop until you win”. Follow your dreams and don’t let anything stop you.

Day 16

I don’t know if I said this in my last entry but yesterday I took a break from rehab. I did this because I felt that maybe my arm needed a little rest from everything we’ve been doing with it. Sometimes it’s good to just let the arm rest, and along with time and persistence, everything shall be fine. Now on to today; no arm pain.  It’s kind of a weird feeling, waking up, stretching, and not having to retract my arm because of the sharp sting in my elbow. This may be because of the rest, it may be because I slept different I have no clue. But my better judgment says that maybe a day’s rest every once in awhile may work. Now on to the bad part; I feel bad pinching in one of my nerves down in my wrist. If it isn’t one problem, it’s another. I went to Estaban, my trainer, and he told me that we’d just stretch and give the arm some time. Rather than doing some of the other stuff I have been doing such as: wrist curls, wrist rotations, and dumbbell hangs.  Dumbbell hangs may not be the appropriate term but what we do here is hold my arm straight on my leg or a table, hold a 3 lb weight in my hand and let the weight stretch my arm to extension. This all helps in making my arm feel better from that point on, but that next morning it’s all soreness. Again though, they did drill 4 holes in my elbow, it’s easy to forget all that. I guess I expect to be throwing this season, Not going to Happen. It takes time and sometimes I get impatient. Is this supposed to be happening? When will it stop hurting? Why is my arm doing this? Why is it doing that? These are all questions I ask my trainer. Granted he is the trainer, he is not the doctor, so he doesn’t know exactly the extent to what happened in surgery. He keeps me going with plenty support, and keeps me mentally focused. This is a big plus, because already at 2 weeks I’m getting discouraged.

I woke up this morning and had this dream that I was throwing in a game and I was using my left arm. Kind of weird. Maybe it’s telling me something, I have no clue, but I may be onto something. This may be my chance to convert. Who knows, I may never be able to throw with my right arm again, and with a year worth of rehab I have no doubt I could start throwing left. Plus, who’s not looking for Southpaws? Maybe I can turn into some freak like Wagner and break the 100+ mark with my left. LOl. Maybe in another lifetime, but throwing left handed is much more of a reality. Being able to switch from right to left, being just as effective with each, I could make a real hit with Scouts. I’ll keep you to date with that process, but on another note, The wing is feeling pretty well. I’m almost at full extension on my own, and shaving, brushing my teeth, and sleeping are finally not a hassle. I can pretty much do everything with my arm. I still can’t run or anything because if I were to sweat the possibility of infection is still very much there. You definitely don’t want that! I can carry groceries, bookbags, weights, and other medial weighted objects. No curls or anything just some basic B.S. Stretching is still very stressful on the arm and the bruising is still very much visible. It’s weird because the same exact pain that was there before the surgery is still there. I thought surgery was supposed to fix this? Apparently they keep the old tendon there and just use the new tendon as reinforcement. That’s why it takes so long to recover, the new tendon in place has to take over the old ligaments place so that the stress is no longer on the bad ligament, thee stress is withheld by the tendon turned ligament. Plus it takes forever to establish the new tendons blood flow and new job. I catch myself touching the scar and it’s still numb. I can’t feel anything on the skin where the scar is. And for some reason it feels like an accomplishment having this scar, but what am I really getting out of this; A year’s worth of heartache? I was told that if I didn’t get the surgery I would never pitch again, so here I am now in my room thinking I should have rehabbed so I may have been able to play this year. But what happens if rehab didn’t work and now 4 months later I’m getting the surgery and now I’m out for 2 years. I guess it was a sense of urgency because I didn’t want to miss out on 2 years because in the back of my head I didn’t think rehab had a chance. I’m not doubting my ability, just the process. What if this doesn’t work? Is my career over? Will I ever play again? What will I do with my life? And the biggest one, what have I gotten myself into?

Feb. 11, 2008

After another good nights rest I was up and ready to continue with my schooling, so I hopped out of bed and got ready for class. In my 4 years of college this is the first year I haven’t missed a day of class, other than the week I was out for surgery, and wanted to continue on that path. I knew today was going to be rough because it was the first day of rehab. What I didn’t know was what to expect. I knew the trainer was going to try to get some motion in my arm but had no clue how bad it was going to hurt. 7 days after the surgery I’m already starting rehab.  All I could think was, “wow this is weird”.

The road ahead started today. The mental downfalls, the physical upgrades, and the overall process will be extremely tough. I look at it as having an advantage.  Now I have a whole year, 1 year, to get into the BEST shape of my life. I have no worries about pitching, no worries about practice. The only thing I have to worry about is rehabbing the arm, school, and strengthening my arm and my body.  That way, when I come back I have the biggest advantage over all other players that I possibly can. That’s the way everyone should think, not- I’m out for a year I’m going to be behind. You have a complete year to turn around everything you’ve ever done, all your faults, all of your problems. You have a year to become the pitcher you have always dreamed of being and that’s what I’m going to do.  Just like all the others who have the surgery should do.

Back to rehab. I walk into the training room and Estaban, the baseball trainer at DSU, grabs me and sits me down. He asks me to take off the wrap and lays me on my back. As he starts to extend my arm I have this excruciating pain. My body started shaking, my heart was beating out of my chest, and I was having bad muscle contractions. I felt sharp pains running all up and down my arm, by far one of the worst pains I’ve ever felt. But you know what they say, “PAIN IS WEAKNESS LEAVING THE BODY”. But in my case it felt like the pain was tearing my new tendon. After about a 15 minute session, an on duty doctor recommended I take my vicodin’s before coming just too dull the pain a little. Don’t take too much though, you don’t want to numb the pain completely, because you might end up hurting something then. It’s a slow process but after 2 sessions my arm felt brand new. There was minimal pain, I can now walk with my arm at my side, lift, and flex my arm. I don’t think I stated this earlier but after I took off the sling my second day, my arm was pretty much in that same position until today. I couldn’t let it hang as the pain was pretty bad. I called Dr. Morgan just to make sure that starting rehab so early was a good thing, and since he wasn’t there due to the whole Curt Shilling problem I talked to his assistant Randy. Randy explained that it was perfectly fine, the incision would not be harmed, and that it needs to be a slow pressured stretch. No jumping on the arm right away, that’s where the problems happen. I felt pretty good after talking to him because I was kind of paranoid that I was starting too early. I’m at the end of the night and, my arm, after two 15 minute rehab sessions seriously feels like my arm did before. There is very minimal pain, the sharp pains that kept shooting through my arm are pretty much gone, and I can move it in ways that I couldn’t for a week. Although I don’t have full extension, hopefully by the end of the week I will.

Feb. 12, 2008

Not gonna talk about much today. Woke up and the wing was feeling pretty good, not great, but good. Had some slight pain, but bearable. One thing I did notice, and it’s been happening for a few days now, was that I get real sharp pains that shoot through my arm whenever I stretch or move my arm. I contacted my trainer and he told me that this was because the nerves in the bones are reacting to the holes drilled in my arm. The nerves that run down the arm have something to do with the bone, and because the holes are in the bone, the bone reacts to it as if it was broken. I don’t really remember everything he said, but what I do remember was that he said it was perfectly normal and that it will happen for quite some time because the arm is repairing itself. The pain is very quick and sharp, but as the arm continues to heal, from what I understand, the pain should start to subside. Again, I get these pains right down the middle of the inside of my arm along with in my wrist. This is normal according to my trainer. Other then that, all I really have to report is that I saw some progress on the flexion of my arm.  I’m almost at 180 degrees now. I get my bandages off tomorrow, YAY! I have also done a lot of stretching on my own. Hold a jug of milk or water, half full, with your arm extended and let the weight pull your arm straight, thus stretching. The pain will be there but it’s all part of the process. Also pull up on hand, push down on hand, just the basic forearm and wrist stretches. This will also help. Arm still hurts a little as I stated, but the reward in the end will be well worth it. Hard work will pay off

Feb. 13, 2008

I woke up and got ready to go see Dr. Morgan for the first time in a week. This is the day I get all the bandages off and let the world see what my arm looks like a week after surgery. When I get there I am informed that Dr. Morgan wasn’t there because of the whole Curt Schilling deal so I ended up talking to his assistant.  Randy took off the bandages looked at the incision and told me that it looked great, right where it should be (as in the healing process). He then proceeded to give me a full years worth of rehab pamphlets. I will post this pamphlet up as a pdf. file so that all can see what Dr. Morgan’s rehab consists of. This is the routine that I will follow until the next time I step on the mound. It doesn’t look to rigorous, but trust me stretching is harder than you think!

I thought getting my arm back was going to be a breeze, but after a week I now understand why some guys just never get back, THIS STUFF IS HARD.  Not that its hard as in straining or intense, it’s just so repetitive, you have to be able to go 3 or 4 days without seeing results. You have to be able to take a loss for the day, you have to be patient. It’s like sit-ups, you do a hundred every night for 3 weeks and see no results, but if you keep doing them, the results end up showing later at a very rapid pace. You have to take your rehab the same way. I’m in my first week and I already understand this. You have to devote all your time to stretching. While you’re sitting in your room, watching TV, driving, in class, just stretch your arm. Every part of it, your wrist, your forearm, your bicep, tricep, and your shoulder. I haven’t done much with the shoulder yet, but I’m sure it’s on its way. Also, one thing I found was that extending my arm isn’t the hard part, no, it’s pulling my fist to my head. I can pretty much extend my arm to where it was before surgery, and with the help of my trainer, I can get a full 180 extension. The hard and most painful part for me is to pull my arm up like you’re brushing your teeth or eating. This motion hurts pretty bad on the inside of my elbow. But after a few reps it seems to dull the pain. This is possibly because of the scar tissue tearing in the arm, which is perfectly normal.

Back to my arm. I have huge bruises up my arm and through my elbow. This is also normal. Some people don’t get this, such as my fellow teammate Dan Perkins. He had his arm at full extension by day 4, no Bruising, and was putting in wood floors by the end of his first week. Don’t compare yourself to other guys though.  Everyone heals at their own rate. I have bruising and still can’t fully extend my arm on day 10. It’s all about how your body heals and how it reacts to the surgery. Again, don’t get discouraged if a guy is ahead of you in their rehab. You recover at your own rate. These entries are just for reference. Just a look to see what can and might happen in your rehab and recovery. Basically it’s a guide on what to expect. You may not go through anything I have, but someone will. I will have the Rehab Guide up soon, be sure to check it out.